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Animal lover, numbers nerd, CPA. Writing on various topics including animals, personal finance, soul searching, and hopefully some comedic relief.

Anecdote | Humor

The cat’s out of the bag

Photo by Amir Ghoorchiani from Pexels

Harley’s pupils darted back and forth. It was almost like her brain was vibrating. She stared out the window, but I could tell she wasn’t really looking at anything. It was like when someone stares off into space, lost in a daydream.

I tried to snap her out of it, but she was completely oblivious to me. I called her name and waved my hand in front of her face, trying to elicit some sort of response.

Nothing.

My attempts at snapping her back into reality went unnoticed by her. She continued to drift away to some other galaxy.

It…


The clock is ticking louder every day.

Photo by Olya Kobruseva from Pexels

A few years ago, I asked my parents if they thought I would make a good mother. My mom said, “Sometimes.”

My dad was a little more forgiving and casually said, “yeah,” in a less than convincing way.

Not exactly raving recommendations.

I can’t decide if I want kids.

You may be thinking that Mother Nature has already made that decision for me. They don’t call it a “geriatric pregnancy” for nothing. Yes, that is what they call it when you are 35 or older and pregnant— geriatric! When I hear this term, I think of drinking Ensure and playing Bingo at the senior home, not being…


Animal Advocacy | Perspective

They’re family too

Gray and white cat looking laying down looking at the camera
Gray and white cat looking laying down looking at the camera
Photo by Author (Hog aka “Hogman”)

When my cat died a month ago, I was totally devastated — and still am.

He was essentially my child.

When I would pick him up, he would literally grab on to me just like a toddler would, sucking on my shoulder and leaving a huge drool mark. I could walk miles with him just clinging on to me like that.

After his passing, to say I was heart-broken doesn’t even begin to explain it. I didn’t leave my bed or couch for a week. I cried until I ran out of tears and my heart ached.

I still feel…


Nobody’s home, and even if I was, I’m not

Photo by Hexandcube on Unsplash

I slowly raised my head just high enough above the windowsill to peer out. As soon as I caught a glimpse of him looking in my direction, I darted back to the ground.

Oh my god, did he see me?
What does he want?
If I don’t move and don’t breathe, he will go away soon enough.

In true combat style — or maybe just Hollywood movie style — I pressed my back against the wall without making a sound.

If anyone could see me, I am sure it looked utterly comical.

Times have changed

It’s hard to imagine a time when a…


PETS | LIFE LESSONS | ANECDOTE

Learning to love unconditionally

Black Havanese looking at camera with head tilted
Black Havanese looking at camera with head tilted
Photo by Author

Yes, I know he looks adorable. You might be wondering how a face like that could ever do anything wrong.

Most of the time, he is a little angel. And when he is a little terror — which he can be — he has his good looks to fall back on.

Can I please get some sleep?

I love my animals, but sometimes they can be exhausting. It’s always the middle of the night when they want to start their shenanigans.

This particular night, it was a non-stop circus starting around 1:00 am. …


SATIRE

We are not at the state fair, so please don’t make me guess your age

Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash

I used to dread working on Wednesdays. It was senior citizen discount day. Anyone who has worked in retail knows what I am talking about. It’s the worst.

And no, I have nothing against senior citizens. I am not age discriminating here. I only have a polite request.

There is no winning this game

I would panic when I saw someone approaching the register who appeared to be teetering on the border of their AARP status.

First of all, I am horrible at determining someone’s age. …


A badly timed F-bomb

Girl sitting atop a rock in a meditation pose, overlooking a canyon
Girl sitting atop a rock in a meditation pose, overlooking a canyon
Photo by Matteo Di Iorio on Unsplash

The distance between my husband and I grew greater as we hiked through the woods of Arizona. It was supposed to be an activity for us to do together.

I became irritated as he began to outpace me. Pretty soon, we weren’t even in speaking distance of each other, and I was practically running to at least keep him in my sight.

So much for enjoying our time together.

I could feel my emotions building as I tried to keep up, weaving in and out of trees, stopping to catch my breath once I felt I was getting close.

It’s…


Learning to love a little house

Photo by Phil Hearing on Unsplash

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a three-car attached garage?

Do you ever wish that your house was just a little bit bigger to accommodate the master bathroom of your dreams?

Do you drive through “ritzy” neighborhoods admiring the sprawling estates with their beautiful wrap-around porches?

I do.

My first thoughts are always:

How on earth do all these people afford this?
What do these people do for a living?
How many kids do they have?!

But I will be honest; there is always a tinge of jealousy too. I imagine bright skylights illuminating large…


ANECDOTE | HUMOR

Where is the self-help for that?

Photo by Александар Цветановић from Pexels

The demise of my productivity starts around 4:00am most days. This is when the Queen is hungry. So she politely finds something to scratch her claws on — and with two extra toes on each paw, she has a 40% advantage over her competitors in this category.

If this attempt at dragging me out of bed fails, it’s time to bang on the closet door. This makes an incredibly irritating rattle that you can’t ignore.

I try to avoid this middle-of-the-night charade by leaving food out the night before. …


Perplexing Expressions

Phrases that don’t make any sense

Photo by Zachary Kadolph on Unsplash

Have you ever been in conversation with someone when they use a common phrase, and it leaves you thinking, “Well, that doesn’t make any sense. What are you even trying to say?”

Next thing you know, you are entirely off-course and are no longer paying attention to anything that person is saying. Instead, you are pondering why something is “a piece of cake.”

Here are a few of the phrases that stump me because they seem to have the opposite meaning than what is intended.

1. It’s like taking candy from a baby.

For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out if this saying meant the task was…

Harley Jane

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